“There is a line between fighting for something and losing yourself trying to keep it. Letting go is often the best thing you can do to save your life.” Bame Bame
I know the pain of needing someone and nobody is there, in 2020-2023, I met the saddest and broken version of myself. I had lost everything I have work so hard for, everything that I identified myself with for so long. I felt empty and betrayed by life. I felt the devil took everything from me and God allowed him. Remembering who I was and what I aspired to be, it was now nothing but a fading memory and that broke me even more.
I remember sitting down by myself, overthinking everything. Searching for answers to questions I’ve always been afraid of asking. Held my phone for hours with no one to call and going weeks without anyone checking up on how I was doing. I chose to keep quiet because I didn’t want to seem like a burden to anyone, others found out years later of what I went through and my family also found out when the ship had already sunk. I went to hell and back and I shouldn’t have gone to hell in the first place but some people held the door open and I didn’t even see where the door way leading to until I was inside and that cost me literally EVERYTHING.
My mother used to send be bible verses from the book of Job and said my story will be like Job’s and one day I will understand. At that time, I was angry at God. I believed I have done everything right all my life and I didn’t deserve what happening to me. I know a lot of people reading this can relate. We often lose ourselves because of the people we are with, pain changes us and hitting rock bottom can destroy you. But sometimes, situations happen because they are saving you for something that is not for you, forcing you to get out of relationship that you couldn’t see that they were killing you. If they didn’t do what they did, you wouldn’t have left and that could have kept you lost. If your hands were still full, you wouldn’t be able to hold the things that are meant for you.
I have learnt later in life that life always makes sense backwards. Connecting the dots will make you see why some things that were somehow unfortunate at the time had to happen so that your life can realign with your divine timing. The pain will have meaning, the betrayal will be the blessing and that fresh start will lead you to your destiny. I’ve learnt that some losses aren’t always bad, sometimes they are necessary. It’s the year 2026 and I am still working on rebuilding, 4 years of hard work and healing. I didn’t go through all this, just to go through it. What I have become because of what I’ve gone through is beautiful. Losing everything made me realise I deserved better; I was always meant for more and I have given so much of myself to people who treated me as an afterthought. I’ve neglected myself for too long.
Finding yourself is the best thing you can do for you and your bloodline, it’s about reconnecting with the person you have always been beneath the expectations, opinions, fears and labels placed upon you and experiences of life. I am a true believe that losing everything isn’t the end of life, you can always rebuild something better than what you’ve had before. So, if this resonates with you, then take what you can learn from this and have the courage to get up and start rebuilding, brick by brick for as long as it takes. Rebuild.