Have you ever felt like all your life you have made everyone happy and got nothing in return but a wasted life? yeah, me too.
As a recovering people pleasure, I have discovered that people’s expectations of you and their idea of how your life is supposed to be, puts you under so much pressure and you always feel like you have to perform. You are always asking yourself “what if they don’t like this side of me, what if they feel like I’m chasing the wrong things?”. People pleasing is self-abandonment. I’ve always felt disappointing people was the same as hurting them but I recently learnt that you can be kind and still say no, you can love people and still set boundaries, you can respect others and still disagree with them and you can choose your own path and happiness without feeling guilty. The freedom that comes with being okay with disappointing people is underrated.
I repeat; sometimes, it’s okay to disappoint people, it takes the pressure off and lets you be human, you cannot live a meaningful life while busy trying to keep everyone happy. I used to be worried a lot about my reputation so much that I didn’t want to outgrow it and at some point, it became a cage. When people have decided who you are, they may resist every attempt you make to grow, change, or become something different. I have always loved writing and the creative arts but some people close to me felt I was okay where I was and with what I was doing because I was good at it. “Why would you want to change that or move away from that?” they asked. It took me years to start what I should have been doing years ago and I believe it delayed me so much that I missed great opportunities that could have put me decades ahead of where I am now.
“Sometimes, disappointing people is the price you pay for refusing to disappoint yourself” Bame Bame
I no longer live up to other people’s expectations of me, because even when I tried, I never could. I used to feel bad about it, I don’t anymore. I am not saying break promises or give people false hope or don’t honour your responsibilities but what I am saying is, don’t get used to disappointing yourself and letting people have their way at your expense or dictate the direction of your life, it’s YOUR life. I don’t know why it took me this long to understand that the goal isn’t to make everyone happy but to live honestly, responsibly and authentically, even when others don’t understand your choices. Talk about being slow. In my book ‘A Better Tomorrow’ there is a whole discussion about expectations and how sometimes can lead you to convincing yourself that where you are is where you’re supposed to be just because it’s safe and people expect you to be.
Friendly reminder, Don’t let the version of you that others remember prevent you from becoming the person you are meant to be.